Realize

I have finally come to terms with the fact that it is time for me to

a) grow up and be the mature lady I know I can be
b) learn to accept and love myself for who I am
c) create a life worth living
d) all of the above

(I'll take d. all of the above for $3,000 please.)
It is time for a change, a serious one, and I really want to document everything I go through, what I feel, lessons I learn, people I meet, and hopefully connect with other young hopefuls or wise owls that can encourage me and guide me along the way.
I just have no clue what I want for myself, who I am, or what to do. It's just extremely overwhelming to think of changing, but I know I need to do it because I have been stuck in this rut for 2 years now. Right now I am going to focus on transforming in 3 different areas which are:

1. my weight, eating and exercise habits - I am an emotional eater (which has caused me to gain 60 lbs and I associate exercise with some negative experiences so I don't really work out. And yes, I am fully aware that I am using that as an excuse.....but hey, I have to feel better about it some way right?)
2. confidence - I must say, I was quite the star in sports in high school, did awesome in my education, and had a good group of friends, but I still never felt.....good enough. That's what I want to ultimately feel: GOOD ENOUGH.
3. education/career - I have been out of college for about 2 years now and I am ready to go back. The only problem is that I still don't know what I want to study. I have an inkling of an idea of what direction I want to head in, but it keeps changing like the wind *sigh*

As you can see, I am not that different from any other person, I am just deciding to take a step to conquer these goals. I am sick and tired of feeling so insecure, unconfident, and emotionally unstable. I'm tired of being angry all the time and not having fun when I am supposed to be in the "prime" of my life. I am tired of being jealous of everyone else, but not having the guts to make these changes in order to be that ultimate person I want to be. It hurts, it really does, but the only person I have to blame is myself. I am ready to do this, I mean, shit, I'm 21, and if the Universe allows it, I have a long life ahead of me and I don't want to be looking back with regret.

I hope on this journey, I will be able to inspire people by showing them that you don't have to be anything you don't want to. You don't have to be a doctor if you want to be an artist, you don't have to be a teacher if you want to travel the world. Be the person you want to be and always know that you can create whatever life you want.

So cheers to an beautiful end and an awesome new beginning!

xo.

Audri